I grew up in the Church. Specifically this church. Cornerstone has been a place that I have been going to for all 19 years of my life, and I have had a lot of good memories through the people and events here. I have always had a great support system with the Cornerstone families in my neighbourhood, we kids grew up camping, celebrating holidays, and having countless get-togethers over the years. I can say these people collectively have largely impacted the foundation of my faith from a young age to who I am today.

I always believed in God. I always knew that God was watching over me and that His son died on the cross for me. The gravity of that statement I began to understand as I matured, and still am. But the questions I had were those deep, philosophical ones. Like, “Why does God let bad things happen?”, “What about those people who have never heard about Christ?”, or “What does God want me to do in my life?”. For a long time, I just wondered, and I doubted. Until the pandemic.

There is only so much family time we can handle – or roasting sessions I should say. All in good nature I promise you… mostly. Needless to say, I had just a bit of time on my hands to do literally nothing… but think. About A LOT. Any major Christian topic I probably researched in some capacity. I read the Bible… crazy right? I believed in God but was confused about the strange world he designed. This time I not only actually searched for answers, but I wanted the truth. If you seek, you shall find. Over a short period of around 6 months, I began to really feel like I knew myself and who I was in Christ. I had actual world views (though they are ever-evolving), and I looked at the world in a different way from how God designed it.

Or so I thought. I could know all the things about the world God made for me to live in, but that does not tell me the specific puzzle piece that He made just for me. What was MY purpose? What the heck am I supposed to do with my life God? I guess my Mom read my mind or something when she bought me “The Purpose Driven Life”, a devotional book by Rick Warren from Value Village. Thanks, Mom. I remember I was so excited to read it, finally, this book will tell me exactly what I am supposed to do! When I opened the book and read the first line, it said:
“It’s not about you.”

I proceeded to do a mental facepalm. I knew that, right? Apparently not, because over the course of the devotional I really learned what it really meant to be a participating member of Christ’s family, how we can use the challenges in our life to become more like Jesus, and how to acknowledge, accept, and affirm our God-given gifts, passions, and abilities for his Glory. It is not about me. Bottom line, I was made to serve and glorify God. And if I make a choice to do so, my life will be fulfilled.

I always knew that in the end, I would find a way to be satisfied in a job that I liked and felt passionate about. From a young age I could never admit to myself what I really wanted to do, and even as I wrote this I somehow still have trouble just writing it.

Whenever I watched movies or TV shows that really stuck with me, I always thought “I could do that”. I would watch behind-the-scenes clips on youtube of film productions, and imagine myself on the big screen. I never really considered it as a life path for many reasons; the unstable income, the constant rejection, the whole facade of “Hollywood”, the temptation of pridefulness and disconnection, fear of being made to do something I am not okay with, and the fact that there were no people who looked like me doing it. Also what Asian mother would let their daughter go into the arts? It was just a greedy pipe dream of mine to get rich and be a big shot.

Or so I thought. I think that will be a recurring theme in my life. As I slowly- very slowly- started to unpack this stupid dream I had. I wondered if this was maybe a seed planted by God. I enrolled in an acting class, which for some reason took all my willpower to ask my Mom for. Her response was, “…Sure”. I honestly don’t know why I do that to myself. I absolutely loved it.

I kept asking God for signs, and He gave them. I knew that being a Christian in the industry is a major red flag, and was scared of rejection, being cancelled, and grouped in with… “those Christians”. I did what any other naive Christian looking for answers would do, a random Bible flip. The page I landed on was second Ezekiel. Here is a highlight of the passage:

“The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them ‘this is what the Sovereign Lord says.’ And whether they listen or fail to listen- for they are rebellious people- they will know a prophet has been among them.”

I do not think I am a prophet by any means, but the rest of the passage basically slapped me in the face. I reread it 20 times. I almost believed it, but I had to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. My doubt this time was, could I really do it? I don’t think I have the talent, connections, or courage to pursue such a path. I flipped again.

I guess God really had pity on me in order to get through my thick skull. I landed on 1 Corinthians 1:26-31. I will read another snippet.

“Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. (and I am skipping), -to nullify the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so no one may boast before him.”

Okay, FINE God. Fine. Maybe you are onto something. In my journal I wrote, “I think I am ignoring God for an internal reason I can’t pinpoint. I think maybe there’s a part of me that doesn’t want His wisdom so that I can live my life absentmindedly. So I can say, “Why God?”, instead of “Yes God”. About a month later I finally told my two closest friends, Charis and Jess of the epiphany I experienced. What do you know, that is all it took for God to open another door.

I came across an Instagram ad. It was for this talent development company called “Shine by Carey Lewis”, run by Christians. And not by “those Christians”, ones that understood the mission field the entertainment industry is and could be, taught by the Bible, were extremely well connected and experienced, and were top-notch quality. I guess I have to thank Google for stalking me because it’s safe to say that Carey and Glynis, the mother-daughter duo of Shine, changed my life. In short, I joined their virtual STAR program this past January, which is basically a “how to not screw up and actually thrive in the industry 101”, which features a talent showcase where you can get guaranteed feedback from industry professionals, and potentially get signed. In the shortest of short stories, I ended up getting signed to one of the top acting agencies in Toronto and to an LA manager. Both respect my values and know where I come from. Since April, I have been working on my craft, worked on a couple of small projects, and am doing a bunch of auditions. I know God has got me, and whatever expectations I make for myself I know that it is going to be better than I have ever imagined it. This is just the beginning of a lifelong journey, and I am content with waiting to see how it unfolds.

I want to apologize to all the friends and family that are hearing this story for the first time, which is most. My bad– the reason I am standing here telling this is that in order for me to fully live in Christ, I have to accept and proclaim who he has made me to be. This is all-inclusive; I publicly profess that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour and to follow him, that I will never be ashamed to demonstrate my faith, and that I accept the daunting, unwalked, and exciting journey he has called on for my life. I originally wanted to get baptized over a year ago, but in hindsight, I see I was not ready to commit all 3 areas of my life to him. Now, I am.

Thank you to Charis and Jess for being the best sisters in Christ a girl could ask for, if I ever do fall into temptation they will be the first ones to knock me out of it, trust me. Thank you to Sarah Chew for being my mentor and avid supporter. My parents, especially my Mom who raised me alongside Jesus and who is not that typical Asian mom, thank you for supporting me in following the dreams God has put on my heart.

Do I literally have no idea what I’m doing 90% of the time? Yes. Did I expect- nor should anyone else my age expect– to have any glimpse of the direction of my life at 19? No. But I know a few things, but that’s all I need to know and frankly, I don’t want to know more. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and all your strength and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”