“YES, I DID IT… I’m going to be baptized finally!”
I kept rehearsing this in my head when I first reached out to pastor Jeremy about baptism. But as I came to think about it, I have to say I didn’t do it; it is God who did it. He patiently waited out for me after so many years. And this is my story….
I learned about God and stories of Jesus since kindergarten. As a little girl, I would pray and chat with God every night, almost as if I had a private telephone line that connected me to God. While my family was non-Christian, my exclusive relationship with God continued till I was in high school. I used to think I knew God, I knew Jesus, I knew so many bible stories. Why wouldn’t I? After all, the nuns had repeated those stories of Jesus so many times and made me recite those rosary prayers and the 10 commandments. I was so proud that I even looked at other church goers with contempt as I judged many of them as hypocrites. I didn’t believe in attending church, and therefore I didn’t see the need to attend any church either. Yet, I kept my private line open with God…but at my own discretion and my own timing. Over time, I became more self-reliant and stopped seeking God all together.
But God has been kind and patient with me. He humbled me with many life challenges to make me see my own limitations. But He also showed me His grace is much bigger than my obstacles. He even placed his people, my small group members especially, to support me and show me what real Christians are like during my down times. I’m known as being the one who raised many questions about the bible in my small group. God again used his people to make me realize how little I knew about Christianity, how little I knew the Bible, how little I knew Jesus and how little I knew God. These days, I am grateful to God that He did not forsake me despite my arrogance and ignorance of Him. I feel totally blessed that Jesus opened my heart and my soul, so that I now welcome Him into my life once again…but this time it’s not at my discretion. Instead, it’s according to His will and His timing. Therefore, I should say, “Yes, but I didn’t do it, God did it, I surrender and I’m getting baptized! Yeah!”.
Ok, so I have received God. But I still struggle about the ritual of baptism. What if I make a fool of myself with my testimony? What if my testimony is not interesting enough and bored everyone to sleep? (I hope you are still awake here! – just checking!) What if I don’t live up to the standard of a true Christian and be a disgrace to God, especially since I can no longer hide my identity as Christian after my baptism in public, right? These worries hindered me from baptism for a few years. It took something as big as this pandemic to make me realize how close we can be with death and dying. During this past year, we all heard so many people dying alone without their loved one by their side. For me, it was my dad, my father-in-law, my uncle and a fairly young relative of mine. They all passed away so quickly and so unexpectedly, even though none of their passing was due to CoVid. I realized how fragile we all are. I know one thing I would regret most for sure is not getting baptized because of procrastination if I were caught at the edge of my death bed. If this still doesn’t tell me loud and clear enough, I don’t know what else would.
I once heard in a sermon, “God is so powerful that He doesn’t need us to do things for Him. It’s “we” that need God to do things for us”. So, I took no credit for taking the plunge of baptism today; instead I thank God for granting me courage to be baptized. I know I will continue to be imperfect as a Christian, and life will continue with its ups and downs even after my baptism. But with my faith in God, I know the Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen me to continue to grow as a Christ-follower. So, I know I won’t be alone in this next phase of my spiritual journey. It’s not my strength but God’s that I would be relying on. So I am not afraid to be baptized anymore.
This also brings me to my favorite bible verse that I always carry with me since I was a little girl. It’s Psalm 23: 1-4:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
May my action and my sharing today be pleasing to God and encourage those who are sitting on the fence struggling with that leap of faith. For those who leave everything in God’s hand will eventually see God’s hand in everything.
Thank you and God bless.
