Before I trusted Christ:
I’ve always thought of myself as a good person. I followed all the rules, I got along with people, I did what my parents and society expected of me. I had a good sense of direction and felt confident in myself and my ability to accomplish my goals. I was totally living for myself and I felt rather good about it.
From an incredibly young age, I always had a sense of ambition. I was the type of person who had no problem setting new goals or achievements. This always made me feel good because I often got what I wanted. I liked to be in control of my life.
As I got older, I started to become more future-oriented, so I found myself worrying a bit too much about circumstances that were not even in existence in my present reality. Would I have enough money? Would I have good health? Would my kids be ok? Would they need me? I developed such a preoccupation about tomorrow that I could not even enjoy the present. In fact, this fear about the future gripped me so much, that it controlled how I lived and the decisions I was making. And again, being totally self-reliant, I reacted how I normally would – I would sit down and craft a masterful plan to avert the discomfort and pain I believed I was going to experience in the future. And off I went each time – taking matters into my own hands and fully trusting in myself.
Things were going well – or somewhat. If judged from the outside – then yes – things seemed well. I had a good job, good marriage, we had a growing family, we had investments, we were accumulating stuff – and things looked good. But in reality, I was miserable and tired; and there was so much strife in my home because of my beliefs about tomorrow and my incessant need to plan and control circumstances and people in my life. I felt trapped. I wanted to stop worrying and obsessing about tomorrow – but I couldn’t.
And when Covid happened, the fear about the future just catapulted to new heights. As I mentioned, I was already feeling miserable – but now I was also powerless to the extreme fear about the future. I couldn’t plan! I couldn’t even think straight!
How I trusted Christ:
I understand now that God uses suffering for our good and His glory. Covid 19 brought me to my knees – I have never felt more out of control in my life. But God used this situation to draw me to Him. A friend casually sent me the weblink to Cornerstone’s online sermon, and had it not been for Covid19, I may not have even considered it. But I gave it a try – and as I watched and listed, I just remember feeling very emotional and validated. It was as if the sermons were written just for me. And week by week, they managed to comfort me.
As I drew close to Him, I felt at peace. I started to let go of my need to control the situation and people. I started to give Him my fears about tomorrow. I started to trust Him and believe His promises.
Since I trusted Christ:
Since trusting Christ, my eyes have been opened to how I had been living my life – which was, sinfully, living for myself and trusting only in my own strength and abilities. But I now know and understand that He is sovereign over all things and that I can trust Him and all His promises because He is faithful.
I’ve also come to learn how enslaved I was to certain strongholds and beliefs, and the authority He gives us, in Jesus name, to be overcomers. He has freed me from the fears that used to consume me, and in place of this has given me a sense of peace and rest.
He has also given me an understanding of the reality of the spiritual realm. He gave me experiences I cannot deny nor forget, and I’m just so grateful as they ground me each day and inspire me to get to know Him, and more importantly, stay close to Him.
