I remember being around five or six, when the VBS director at my home church was talking to my mom, telling her that she was so happy to announce that i made the decision to follow Jesus that afternoon! Only that I did the exact same last year at the VBS before then too. I mean, how could little Giah have known better ?

I always knew I’d follow Jesus, but I don’t think I really understood what exactly that meant. I knew people during their testimonies always have their pivotal moment where God showed himself and it all clicked. Maybe I was forcing it ? I just really didn’t get it. I knew I loved Jesus, but I don’t think I quite understood the magnitude of his love for us.

So I tried looking for that understanding myself. I tried to join several small groups at other churches, and even one here in early 2020. I had even tried leading it! But we all know what happened a few months into the year, and unfortunately it didn’t work out. It was unavoidable but it made me feel bad. Maybe it was all my fault. My anxiety was spiraling.

I strayed away from God in those next months. I envied my brother and sister in law and their small group with how they seemed to have such a strong bond and were walking close together not only in Christ but together in life overall. I couldn’t help but feel that maybe I just wasn’t meant for it. It made me scared to try again. I focused elsewhere, continuously plowing forward thinking everything would be fine. Things were in fact, not fine, as my life felt like it came to a halt.

In May 2021 I was rushed to the hospital with almost none of my blood left in me. I was in and out of the hospital for the next few months as they diagnosed me with Aplastic Anemia, which is a rare disease that causes your bone marrow to stop producing blood. It was a traumatic time for my whole family– having almost lost me, and it was in this weakness that I saw God work.

I’m glad to say that now, I’m 19 months post transplant, and slowly getting back to my life again. God was able to work not only through the prayers of all of friends and family, but also in bringing the family closer together during this time. I felt so blessed to truly have realized that my family does love me beyond measure. It’s silly to say out loud, but there were times when I was hospitalized for almost 3 months, no matter how tired we all were, the video calls were big sources of joy. God showed me that people cared about me, no matter how my depression wanted to convince me otherwise. The amount of messages I received during the sickness was insane, and honestly I’m still getting back to some now. But the amount of love I felt through them, it was… Along with my recovery physically it really healed me emotionally and mentally.

I knew how much God was working in my life, I knew I wanted to reacquaint with going back to church. I also desperately needed human contact outside of my direct family and four close friends (LOL). I finally gathered up the courage and emailed Pastor Jeremy again about maybe joining a Small Group. I felt like it was time to try again, and I was just going to barreling through before my anxiety told me otherwise. He reached out and let me know that there was actually a Young Adults program that might suit me more, and it was a bit of a relief. So I steeled myself in the decision and went to my first YA.

And at first it was overall okay, I was doing my best! I had gone there by myself, I honestly can’t believe I was so brave enough to do that looking back at it now? But I was really stubborn with myself and knew it would be okay. Everyone was super friendly and welcoming! But my anxiety gnawed at me as the night went on and at one point it got unbearable. I ran out to the parking lot on that cold evening and just cried– debating if I should just drive home because my social anxiety was overflowing. I was trying to calm down before heading to my car– when Suvin came outside and asked how I was doing. And oh am I so blessed that she did. It was so much easier one on one, and Suvin was so sweet with listening to my story and asked questions more about me. Alyssa then joined after and the two of them made me feel… so much better? Immediately I felt so much comfort through the two of them–, and I think they felt the same as they snagged me to their small group.

I find myself here now in front of you all. So thankful for my small group of God loving individuals who seek to live out his Grace but also believe in strong kinship with each other. I felt that God really put that resolve in me that night to be grouped with you all, and to have slowly come to realize– I’ve finally found that answer I was looking for.

To six-year old Giah and to all of you, I’d like you all to witness this proclamation of me truly having understood the Good News of Jesus’ sacrifice, and of how much God loves us– and that we’re definitely included in that. I hope to continue to live out my life as a child of God and be able to share that love he’s shown me through my journey with others and hopefully show others, truly, how magnificent and mighty our God is. I still have lots to work on, and I will never be perfect because only Jesus was. But I will continue to strive to become more and more like him now and forever.