You may be wondering why I am getting baptized at 59 years old after attending church on and off almost all my life.
As a little girl, I attended Sunday school, but it was my first church retreat at 16 when I first accepted Jesus into my heart. I realized life was not all about me and that Christ died so I could be forgiven and have a second chance.
However, I hesitated to get baptized. For some reason I felt that commitment was too overwhelming.
During my 20s , I strayed from God. Life was busy, studies, career, and social distractions were my excuse. However, I always felt I was missing something.
I married Dominique. Kristen and Melanie were born, and a neighbour referred us to North Toronto Christian School. And, when our five year old daughter Kristen reminded us to pray before a meal, I knew what was missing in my life.
So I started to attend church again and it felt like coming home to a long lost friend. That lonely treadmill of life slowed down and gave me some direction.
Now, I am a very responsible and strategic person, so I thrive on projects. I gained a sense of accomplishment from completing tasks for Dom, my 3 children, family, friends and co-workers.
So, while I was going to church, I didn’t really feel the need to depend on God, because life was pretty stable and secure. Dom’s company moved us to California for 10 years, kids were doing well in school, I was enjoying these new experienced, my family was happy in Canada.
I actually believed I had some control over my life.
However, I quickly learned that life can throw some curve balls at you when you least expect it and all my plans were derailed over time.
My father passed away in 2004. A year and a half later, my brother Victor passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm, and in 2008 during the US financial crisis, Dom was laid off. We moved the following year to Ottawa first and then, Toronto 2 years later Shortly afterwards, Dom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and 20 months later, he sadly passed away. We were together for 30 years.
I was devastated. There was so much grief and chaos in my life for a span for 7 years. I did not understand why God was doing this and what he wanted from me.
I was now a widow, my children were growing up and I was living on my own for the first time, I had started to work again, but, I no longer knew my purpose or identity.
Grief can be a lonely journey on your own. I did not want to become bitter with life or be stuck in it. I tried to manage life on my own, but I knew I needed help.
At the right time, Jeremy introduced me to Griefshare. I completed the program. But I was reluctant to become a leader. Jeremy had to convince me, but over the past 4 years, God has continued to teach me and many others how to really grieve, heal, and find joy again through His word. Something I never expected could happen.
Of course, I still feel miss them, but I also feel gratitude and God’s love and mercy upon me everyday. It took time to realize that God did not take Dom and Victor away from me because they were never mine to begin with. They are a gift from God and it is His timing, not
mine.
I now value how much I need God at all walks in my life, especially through those dark days, when He carried me the most and I grew the most. He equipped me with the tools, the strength, and courage to take each step. Brought people into my life for a reason and I now cannot imagine going through life without Him.
So, I have finally arrived here, ready to surrender myself and commit to this journey of life that God had already planned long ago . My new identity is a woman of faith who no longer fears but looks forward to what God has in store for me. He’s become my security blanket and when I pray my question is, “Lord, what is your next project for me today?”
