Both of my parents became followers of Christ before I was born, so I’ve known about Jesus for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I went to church, picked up my Bible, and put it down. I didn’t intimately know Jesus and I was afraid that he knew me – I said the right things in small groups, but I didn’t know if I believed all of it. I have always been very cynical, always wondering, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I accept Jesus like everyone else around me? It took me some time to realize that God made me that way to magnify His glory.
I hit peak cynicism almost a year ago. I very intentionally walked away from God. Still, the night I decided to stop talking to Him and going to church, I cried because I knew he would accept me with open arms when I came back. He didn’t let me walk very far, because my best friend and sister in Christ sat me down a week or two later. She hit me with hard-hitting questions. I cried and wanted the conversation to end, but eventually she broke through to me and we talked through all the times I felt wronged by God, when it was never Him, because He never wanted me to experience that pain at all.
Between that day and now, God showed me his mercies, new every morning as in Lamentations 3:23. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I vowed to never walk away from Jesus again, and decided to be baptized to cement my promise to follow Jesus for the rest of my life.
For years, I hurt myself physically so that my body would look like how I felt inside: broken and dead. Jesus is calling me to get baptized because His endless love defines me. I might battle with depression, insecurity and cynicism for the rest of my life, but He has already won the war. I trust that He will give me strength – every day. I want to take this physical step in getting baptized so that my body looks like how I feel inside: loved and alive, the way God sees me because He sent his Son to take my place.
I am so grateful God used the people in my life – He pursued me and never left me alone. I would like to thank my best friend Kristen for challenging me that day, and my parents for showing me what unconditional love looks like. Thank you Cornerstone – from the friends I’ve made to the small group leaders I’ve had over the years – for being family and catching me when I was slipping through the cracks. Thank you.
